Hi all. I was on vacation last week and have been trying to get caught up with a bunch of bloggy stuff this week, so I've asked the Dark Man himself, Randall Flagg (aka The Walkin' Dude, Legion, M-O-O-N that spells Antichrist), to do a guest post. Naturally, he's been following this whole Swine Flu thing closely, and offers some insight.
Hi! I laughed when my good friend Jason asked me to do a guest post; he and I go way back and we share the same sense of humor, especially when it comes to the Christians. I like the Christians. They're always surprised when they find out that Hell is cold, but I suspect that they know this, which is why so many of them live in the South. Do you know, reader, that I can smell them on the wind, I can smell their special fears like one might smell ribs cooking on the barbecue? And those fears smell like the Disco Duck, baby. Crispy and deeeeeeeelicious!
So I was on Twitter (@howsyourpork) and I found this picture:
She'll be dead within the week, as will so many, many others. The funeral pyres will been visible from Jupiter. And it'll be my time, the Magic Man will be back, and he'll be leading a dark, dark parade...HA! Got ya! See, I know a thing or two about plagues. If you think that the Swine Flu Panic is scary, you really should take a gander at this informative video. Love the sideburns.
Betty kinda reminds me of Nadine Cross, but without the white hair. Also, if you cue up that Underwood song "Baby, Can You Dig Your Man?" (I know, I can't stand that shit either, but you have to admit that he sounds a hell of a lot like Justin Timberlake. Eerie!) and press play on both the YouTube vid and your iTunes, it synchs up perfectly, like Dark Side and The Wizard of Oz.
My point, and I do have one, is this: I get it. I do. Fear. It's something I know all about. It's the echoing sound of bootheels on a dark desert highway. It's a crow on the fence, looking at you for maybe a bit longer than seems right, eyes seeing through you like you're already a ghost. It's your Boogie Man, doin' what it can. You guys have been shovel-fed fear for going on 9 years now, and you're like the smack addict after "cleaning up"; it's there inside you, a phantom limb, and that itch you feel is that fear, spiking your blood like cheap hootch in your prom punch, causing that blood to simmer and push against your veins. You've reached a saturation point, and you thought that you'd be purged, free and clear, with a new guy in the White House running things. Well, meet the news boss. It's the same as the old boss, and it's Fear.
Good luck with that. I'll see you around.
R.F.
