To put it mildly, there has been much hub-bub going on at Casa Avant lately, and if you've ever had to deal with hub-bub, you know just how draining that can be. I've tried to handle the stress in various ways. I've gone surfing twice. The first session resulted in me putting a one-inch crack in my new board. The second resulted in me screaming at the waters of my Home Break, telling my Home Break that it's stupid and it sucks with it's inconsistent waves and lame longshore current that makes paddling out a bitch, and fuck YOU, California brown pelican, what the hell are YOU staring at? I started running again and that has resulted in a nagging pain in my left calf. People have called and written me expressing their concern, and my dog keeps giving me That Look. (I am sorta freaked out by all of the animals that stare at me. It's like I'm The Beastmaster, and frankly I have two kids and a wife and I don't need the added pressure of Beastmaster duties and responsibilities; plus, I was thinking that if I do have a supernatural ability that enables me to commune with our animal friends, I'd rather it be with the sea creatures, like Aquaman because around here the cool animals, like dolphins, are in the ocean. On land we basically have dogs, cats, and skunks. Lots of skunks. Then again, The Beastmaster could probably kick Aquaman's ass because I'm pretty sure that tigers can swim and a swimming tiger would be pretty useful in an aquatic battle, just as I'm equally sure that if Aquaman's dolphin buddies got into the fray on land they'd be useless, flopping around like fish, or like mammals that bear a striking resemblance to fish, squeaking helplessly as The Beastmaster and his Skunken Allies point and laugh.) I wish to assure you all that despite recent sadness, I am fine; for like the one true Beastmaster, I was born with the strength of a Black Tiger.
